I Fell Still

I fell still

Against my own will

As I leaned against the window sill

Watching the pain

Fall like rain

I couldn't cease with my own brain

Knowing I was to blame

For my uncomfortable view

Cause I had broken through

My own self protective lock

By rewinding the clock

And forgetting to block

The entrance of my own heart

Now all things were falling apart

And there was no way to push restart

I had already violated the guard

And I was no longer barred

From the locked up secrets

They were published on the leaflets

Of my tears

I had held back for years

Along with pent up fears

Cause I couldn't bare

The thought of going there

Where no man had ever gone before

But I had opened the door

Crossing the threshold

Allowing the truth to unfold

That I wasn't really as bold

As I pretended to be

I wasn't even bold enough to see

The real me

Hiding behind the mask

Of the meaningless tasks

Of my life

Keeping the pain out of sight

Cause such brutal honesty just wasn't right

So, I put up a good fight

To keep everything black and white

Without any shades of gray

Come what may

The secret pain must stay

Hidden

Never bidden

To come out and play

Till that fateful day

I fell still

Against my own will

As I leaned against the window sill

Watching the pain

Fall like rain

I couldn't cease with my own brain.

© 2018 Christine Lombard; All rights reserved; Use only with permission