God's Unchanging Hand in My Life

              As I look back over my life I see God’s Unchanging Hand orchestrating His grace and will for me in spite of more obstacles than I could ever count or number.  I spent the majority of my childhood in foster care.  Consequently, I was raised in a very religious and legalistic environment that locked me into an unseen prison that I would not recognize until many years later.  Yet, a spark of insatiable desire for a real encounter with God remained within my heart in spite of my often cold and oppressive surroundings. 

             Although I do not remember the incident, my dad told me of a time when I was around three years of age that I responded to an altar call.  Evidently, the pastor leaned down and asked me for my request and I simply responded, “I love Jesus.”  You see, grace works like that.  It’s not always flamboyant in nature, but it works miracles including the miracle of protecting and nurturing a child like faith and hunger for God such as mine in spite of living in a world that attempts to snuff it out at every turn.  We cannot even take any credit or honestly maintain any sense of pride for our remotest interest or response to God’s wooing in our lives, because it is all by His grace and His grace alone.

            Yet again, I remember watching missionary slides with awe and listening attentively to their stories, longing one day to live as a missionary on the foreign field.  I desired to give my heart to God and live for Him.  As a child, I responded to multiple altar calls stating my desire to be a missionary.  Again, I see God’s unchanging hand. 

            I had an encounter with God as a young child that I will never forget.  I remember feeling a void in my heart and insatiable desire for a mother.  One night, like many nights, I laid in bed crying and talking to God.  In tears I asked Him why I couldn’t have a mother.  Suddenly, I felt the physical embrace of God’s arms around me.  I felt the Love and safety that my soul longed for in such a real and tangible way, and fell asleep in peace.  I tried to regain that feeling and experience again and again, but to no avail.  Looking back, I now see that this was none other than God’s unchanging hand in my life.

            Throughout my high school years the demonic battle for my mind and soul intensified so greatly that I seriously desired death above life, contemplating suicide, yet too fearful of hell to make any real attempts at fulfilling this contemplation.  Again, I see God’s unchanging hand. 

In the midst of the intense warfare, I found relief in an unexpected source, which was journaling.  The enemy of my soul had gained tremendous strongholds on my mind.  Yet, when I would vomit or pour out through written prayers to God, I would gain a temporary sense of peace, which caused me to return to this healing practice again and again.  In the midst of my whirlwind of turmoil, God gave me a prayer, and I ended each of my journal entries with these words: “Lord, search me, know me, show me, change me, and use me.”  Through a high school homework assignment, I discovered a hidden gift of poetry that lit my way to poetically cry out to God in a way that I had never dreamed possible.  My pen became my weapon of warfare to hold back the enemy of my soul.  Little did I know or realize that the call to pray was ringing forth in my soul, and I was already responding. Again, I see God’s unchanging hand. 

           Although much more sorrow and anguish awaited me in the years to come, God’s grace remained through it all and He answered that prayer many years later in the most unexpected of ways.  In fact, He answered my prayer through increasing His clarion call for me to pray that I would continue to receive and answer Him in unexpected ways.  Amazingly, this call and response between God and I remains today, and it is my reason for living.  For in Him I live, breathe, move and have my being, and my means of abiding in Him is through the call to pray.  Prayer is my lifeline through which I endure, not only in survival mode like long ago, but now it is in thriving by His unchanging Hand in my life.  Therefore, answering the call to pray is the pivotal transformational decision that has turned my life “right side up”, in spite of previously having lived a painful and tormenting “upside down” existence.  Again, with a grateful heart I see His unchanging hand in my life. 

           It was during my college years that God really began to arrest my heart again in an unexpected way.  For me, college was a new beginning and new start to my life.  I continued to seek God through campus Bible studies, journaling, reading His Word, and prayer.  I joined an internship to minister to youth on the south side of Chicago during the summer of my freshman year and this experience ignited the passion of God within me to overflowing.  For the first time in my life I felt home and I found a place to belong.  I returned to the internship to minister each summer throughout my college years.  In fact, I began taking the bus weekly to continue the Kid’s Club ministry throughout the school year, as well.  It was always the highlight of my week.  I had never felt such exhilaration and a sense of purpose and fulfillment before.  In a sense I became addicted to it.  Prayer became a central part of this ministry and I would experience an awakening when I prayed, where Holy Spirit would take over, weeping and interceding through me on behalf of the children.  I felt that I could empathize with so many of the young people having experienced so much brokenness in my own childhood.  Little did I know, God was training me and molding me into the intercessor that He had created, called and ordained me to be in Him.  I had found my place in the world through God’s calling.  As a result, I moved into the same neighborhood where I had ministered for several years, attended the local church, and found a teaching job on the South side, as well.  The fact that teaching on the south side of Chicago was a challenge is an understatement.  Yet, God put within me what it took to persevere and refuse to give up in spite of many tears and much prayer.  My hunger for God increased and I began to get up early each day to study His Word and pray.  I searched deep and wide for a church that would satisfy my hunger for more and more of God.  
           One morning after reading from the book of Matthew, Holy Spirit spoke to me clearly, “Just as I anointed Jesus and sent Him into the wilderness, I have anointed you for a work and I am sending you to be prepared.”  This was His answer to my petition for His guidance to know whether to leave one congregation to join another.  That’s when God led me to New Hope Church, where again I felt home.  I continued to minister to the youth in the community and picked up some of my students for church, as well.  With the pastor’s blessing I started Kid’s Club in the church reaching out to the neighborhood kids.  Then one day a single conversation opened up a whole new expectation within me.  A church member mentioned to me about a missionary, Mother Workman, who had started an orphanage in Haiti.  Immediately, I knew that somehow someway I was going to Haiti, and I even sensed that my childhood dream would come true, and God would move me there as a full time missionary.  I met Mother Workman at a local conference and committed to spend a month at the mission in Haiti that summer.  I have found that rarely do things turn out as I expect them.  I literally wept for a week straight once I arrived in Haiti.  Although there was certainly dire poverty all around me, I did not weep and cry out to God for this.  Rather, the spiritual bankruptcy and demonic oppression is what caused me to weep until I could weep no more.  Mother Workman arrived at the mission a few days later and I joined her for the 5 AM prayer every morning in the church.  Meanwhile, God was moving in my life in a way that words cannot describe.  This move of God reached a climax one watchful night as God kept me up all night and spoke inexpressible things prophetically to me concerning His will for my life.  I paced and paced all night listening and talking to God.  I was overwhelmed by the magnitude of His presence, voice and words to say the least.  That morning I arrived in the courtyard early before anyone had arrived for prayer.  I looked up into the heavens and felt the power of darkness descend in such a real way that I cried out earnestly, “Lord Jesus come quickly!”  Unexpectedly and so sternly He responded in my spirit, “What if I had returned before you came to know me?  Will you be longsuffering and have mercy on these just as I have suffered long and had mercy on you?”  I knew God was calling me to move to Haiti as a full time missionary, which was my dream since childhood, but I just had never expected it to be like this.  I entered the church for prayer and took my place next to Mother Workman.  
           As we began to pray I felt a spiritual struggle that was so real that it turned physical.  My flesh wanted to cling to Mother Workman and commit to serve her even as Elisha had served Elijah.  Yet, God spoke clearly to me saying, “No!  Not her, but Me!”  I knew in that moment that I had a choice to cling to flesh or to completely surrender to God and answer the call to pray, because I knew that He was sending me to Haiti primarily on a mission to pray and intercede for His will to be accomplished there.  I purposefully stepped away from Mother Workman into the aisle and fell to the ground screaming and weeping in surrender at the top of my lungs.  I was crying “Yes!” to God with every ounce of my strength from the depths of my soul.  Finally, I arose from the ground completely weakened and sat back on the pew.  Mother Workman got up to minister to the people and explained to them that what they had witnessed was not demonic, but I was travailing in prayer.  She went on to share that we all need to travail in prayer and the importance of seeking God for revival.  After the prayer, Mother Workman reached out to me saying, “Sweetie, don’t stop letting the Lord use you.”  There was so much that I didn’t understand and I continued to seek God for understanding.  Looking back, I now understand that God was trying to keep me from misapplying the prophetic words He spoke to me that night to my present circumstances, because they were all things that were yet to come.  I obeyed God and responded with a wholehearted yes to His call, but in ignorance I still misapplied His words to the mission in Haiti, not realizing that this mission was just a part of my preparation for answering His call and fulfilling the assignment that is still before me even to this day. 

           You see, God’s unchanging hand is present in all of our lives, using the good, bad, and indifferent to prepare us to answer His call in order to fulfill our God-given Kingdom assignment in the Earth.  Central to each of our unique assignments is the call to pray, and I was about to embark on the prayer adventure of my life at least up to that particular time.

I returned to Chicago with a new sense of purpose, driven to believe God to fulfill every word that He had spoken to me.  Holy Spirit began to build my faith by fulfilling several miracles in preparation for my move to Haiti.  I was not yet financially able to quit my job and move, so I made my requests known to God.  Before I left for my first visit to Haiti a sister in the church called me and told me that God had instructed her to ask me if I wanted to rent a room in her house.  Not knowing what was in store, I thanked her and told her that I did not need to move in with her, because I already had my own apartment.  Yet, like Mary, the mother of Jesus, I held those things in my heart before God.  In the end, God was preparing a way for me to minimize expenses in order to prepare financially to move to Haiti the following summer.  In addition to this, He miraculously provided the finances to pay off the remainder of my student loans, allowed someone to purchase my car, and provided the additional money that I requested of Him, because Holy Spirit placed a desire in my heart to go to Haiti with a $5,000 offering to place in Mother Workman’s hands for the mission.  God had answered all of my requests regarding preparing me to move to Haiti the following summer.  I was walking on cloud nine and my faith was soaring high.  Yet, this was only part of the preparation process.

           Mother Workman is a woman of tremendous faith and prayer.  Her testimony is full of miraculous answers to prayer and a practice of much prayer and fasting.  God began to lead me in this direction, as well.  I began to fast and pray more than ever before.  By the leading of Holy Spirit, I received a key from the pastor in order to enter the church early each morning before I went to work and pray.  He also led me to read through the Bible during these times.  Finally, He led me to begin shutting in the church for all night prayer and sometimes for three days of fasting and prayer.  All of this was in preparation for answering God’s call to pray and the assignment in Haiti that was before me.  I began to hear God’s voice and receive revelation in His Word like never before.  The more God ministered to me the more I desired of Him.  One afternoon, I came from work crying in frustration with my inability to reach my students as I longed to be used by God to reach them.  Classroom management was a constant struggle and I found them fighting against me more than being receptive to discipline and instruction.  I drove straight to the church and laid out on the floor weeping before God for Him to bring forth true transformation in my students’ lives.  I wept and travailed deeply and cried out to God saying that I once desired a Mother, and I no longer desired this, but my one request was this:  “Make me a mother!”  I cried out to God to make me into the Mother that I had desired and longed for so long.  I was not satisfied with merely teaching kids, but I wanted God to mother them through me, bringing forth transformation in their lives.  I knew that Holy Spirit was the one interceding and travailing through me and felt a release as I got up off the floor and left the church. 

           Finally, I boarded the plane and flew to Haiti, this time not just to visit, but to move into my new home.  I arrived before the annual conference for Pastors and church congregations from all over Haiti.  Part time missionaries from all over streamed in at the same time.  It was the busiest time at the mission.  God had revealed to me that my primary purpose and mission was to answer the call to pray and intercede on behalf of the tremendous needs.  Along with the 5 AM morning prayers, I spent time in the church praying for the conference.  One of the missionaries, who was busily decorating the church approached me as I finished praying and began to walk out of the church.  She exclaimed, “I don’t know why you are here, but don’t ever stop doing what you are doing!  As you were praying, I felt like running around the church.”  This encouraged me and served as confirmation to my prayer assignment.

Little did I know, but I was about to experience another Divine appointment that would change my destiny.  Some of the missionaries were staying in an extension house outside of the mission compound, whereas I stayed inside the compound with other missionaries.  I began to hear an excited buzzing as people were talking about a prophet who was staying in the extension and holding prayer every night.  I met her briefly, but did not get to really speak with her.  They were speaking of none other than my mother and the coauthor of this book, Prophetess Vera Paul.  Later she told me that she heard me in the church praying and had asked Mother Workman, “Who is that?”  Mother Workman explained that I was a missionary who would be staying full time.  Lightheartedly, yet prophetically none-the-less, Prophetess Paul asked Mother Workman, “Can I have her?”  To which Mother Workman responded with an absolute and resounding, “No!”  
           As Prophetess Paul prepared to leave for the airport, she told me that God said that she would return to take me to a deeper depth of prayer.  I held onto her words and prayed them daily asking God to send her back to Haiti to fulfill His promise, because I earnestly desired and needed to grow in the call to pray.  By the leading of Holy Spirit, I returned to the mission office in Florida in order to seek God through a twenty - one day water fast in preparation for my prayer assignment in Haiti.  Finally, I returned to Haiti alone and began my assignment there.  My focus was prayer and working with the youngest group of children.  The assignment was harder and more challenging than I could have ever imagined.  Every day I prayed and spoke calling forth Prophetess Paul’s return to Haiti.  Within a few months she returned for Thanksgiving and conducted prayer in the mission church.  She also met with me individually, praying and speaking prophetically over me.  I experienced the baptism of the Holy Spirit and received my prayer language, which brought me into a realm in the Spirit that I had never experienced before.  God had fulfilled His promise and increased the depth of my call to pray.  Although I had already learned to hear the voice of God, my ability to hear God’s voice increased more than ever before. 

A pivotal moment occurred when Prophetess Paul asked me to pray for her.  Then she commented that what I had prayed was exactly the words she had prayed before she left home.  I asked her what part exactly, because I had prayed many things.  She replied, “Ask God.”  So, I began to pray in the Spirit and God responded with the answer, which Prophetess Paul confirmed was accurate.  I was amazed to know that I could converse with God like this, asking Him questions and holding conversations with Him just like a flesh and blood person.  So, I began to pull away and enquire of the Lord in a new way.  Amazingly, my conversations with God continued and my ability to hear His voice and prophetically speak His words increased tremendously.  God connected Prophetess Vera Paul’s spirit with mine in an indescribable way, and He spoke to me extensively concerning this connection.  He also spoke and confirmed things through me to Prophetess Paul that God had ministered to her, and she had never shared with anyone else.  Many questions remained, because I did not understand how we would be connected with me remaining as a missionary in Haiti.  All things would be revealed in due time. 

One morning I had conversation with God that I will never forget.  I began to ask Him concerning some mission opportunities that had presented themselves.  I asked Him about a well known mission organization where I could receive training and be stationed in almost any nation in the world.  He replied, “If you go, I will bless it.”  Then I petitioned Him about another possible missions opportunity.  He repeated, “If you go, I will bless it.”  Exasperated, I replied, “What do you mean you will bless it?  I don’t want you to bless it, I want to know Your will!”  Silence.  Then I enquired, “What about Prophetess Paul?”  Again there was silence.  Yet, an understanding rose up in my spirit.  God was asking me what I wanted!  A reply arose from deep within my spirit, “I want the deeper depths of Your Spirit!”  With my own confession I had God’s answer.  God taught me that He permits us to make choices in life, and these choices are tests, because God wants to know how far we desire and are willing to go with Him.  Truly, there are no limits to the heights and depths of experiencing the manifest presence and glory of God in our lives.  

           After fifteen months of living in Haiti God tested me again by asking me to give up my life and live permanently in Haiti.  I experienced another struggle similar to the first time of surrender in the church and I responded, “yes” to God’s call no matter the cost or consequences.  Immediately, I experienced peace and freedom in my surrender.  Within a week or so Prophetess Paul returned to Haiti and I struggled to understand how all of God’s words to me fit together.  Finally, one morning in prayer God spoke clearly to me saying, “I have released you from Haiti.”  Then He explained that He was testing me similarly to the way that He had tested Abraham when He asked Him to sacrifice his son on the altar.  I knew by God’s revelation to me that I would move from Haiti to Texas to live with Prophetess Paul and be discipled according to His will and prophetic words to me a year before I had ever met Prophetess Paul.  Within days of Prophetess Paul’s departure, I too flew to Florida, knowing that Haiti was no longer my home.  God showed me how I had misapplied His words to the Haiti mission and Mother Workman even though He tried to show me that my surrender and commitment was to Him, not man.  God had even spoken to me while living in Chicago concerning this Divine connection, but only through time would I understand their true application.  Every move of God in my life has been orchestrated as a means of fulfilling the call to pray that He ordained for me before the foundation of the world.  Today I continue to grow and respond to the clarion call to pray, and this calling continues to shape me through the prophetic art of my becoming all that God has created, called and ordained me to be in Him.

           Through discipleship and prayer, I have experienced tremendous healing, deliverance, and growth in the call to pray.  Due to my experience of God’s presence and voice in my life, I did not realize the extent to which I needed deliverance from the demonic forces that had held me in bondage for so long.  Although I had learned to pray and hear the voice of God, I was unable to pray my own breakthrough.  So, by God’s design and will, He used Prophetess Paul to pray the war faring prayer necessary to break the strongholds of the enemy off my life.  Deliverance is a process, and I have learned that we will all continue to need deliverance until the moment we draw our last breath.  I truly thank and praise God for the call to pray, because it has and continues to transform my life from faith to faith, grace to grace, and glory to glory.  Finally, God answered my childhood prayer and had given me the Mother of His choice.  He ministered to me that He had divinely connected me with Prophetess Paul through a spiritual birthing and adoption process that is just as real as the physical birthing and adoption process.  It was a God thing that I knew deep down in the depths of my spirit and soul.  Though many look on in wonder and fail to understand this truth, Prophetess Vera Paul is my mother, because of God’s will, work, and word.  I know what God has spoken and revealed to me and I hold onto this unmoved by others failure to accept or understand God’s moving in my life.  Again, it has all been by God’s unchanging hand.  I thank God for the call to pray and the grace of God that continues to enable me to respond to His clarion call.  I pray that my testimony ministers to you enabling you to see more clearly God’s unchanging hand in your life and the call to pray that is beckoning to you even now.  Do you hear the call to pray?  How then will you answer and respond?         
                     

© 2015, Christine Lombard, All rights reserved, Use only with permission

Book Excerpt: I AM! Therefore, i am! - "The Making of a Disciple"

The Making of a Disciple

            When Jesus walked the Earth and began His earthly ministry, His mission consisted of so much more than miracles, signs, and wonders.  At the very core of His ministry was the mission of making disciples, not only of His own generation, but He was also setting the stage and building a firm foundation for the making of many disciples throughout the remaining generations that would still come.  Truly, Jesus is still making disciples to this day.  For the heart of the Gospel message is the making of disciples for Christ in preparation for His second coming and the establishment of His Kingdom throughout the Earth.

            The discipleship process involves the prophetic art of our becoming all that God has created, called, and ordained us to be in Him.  Furthermore, the discipleship process involves the apostolic process, which God has revealed to me as Biblical discipleship through the unique separation, preparation, revelation, and reformation of each disciple, bringing forth the fullness of the ministry to which we have all been called, the ministry of reconciliation.  Holy Spirit has ministered to me that this very process is the Biblical apostolic and prophetic model of education through which we must grow to intimately know: God, who we are in Christ, and our assignment.  He has instructed me to ask His disciples three questions: 1. Do you know Him? 2. Do you know who you are in Christ? and 3. Do you know your assignment?  The purpose of this study is to grow in the knowledge of these Truths.  For according to God’s perspective, without the knowledge of these three Truths, we know nothing.  Finally, it is through the intimate knowledge of these three Truths that God’s purpose and will is fulfilled in and through our lives, which is the making of disciples. 

            Recently, Holy Spirit instructed me to begin to study the identity of Christ and our resulting identity in Him.  He spoke into my spirit this Truth:  “I AM Therefore, I am.”  As I searched out Jesus’ own profession of who He was through His famous seven I AM statements in the book of John, Holy Spirit opened my eyes to a fresh revelation of the making of one of Jesus’ closest disciples, Peter.  Yes, we know Peter as the apostle who led one of the greatest evangelical revivals of all time through which many Jews acknowledged Jesus as the promised Messiah and the Gospel message was birthed and spread throughout the world.  Yet, as we look closely at Peter’s own discipleship process, we see that the making of this particular disciple was a turbulent journey that but for the grace of God could have led to shipwreck rather than ultimate success.  Let us take a closer look and see what we can glean from Peter’s journey.    

Peter’s Profession of Faith

            First of all, Peter was known as one of Jesus’ closest disciples.  He was a part of Jesus’ inner circle, as one might say.  Throughout the Gospels, we see Jesus grooming Peter for leadership.  In fact, when Jesus called Peter to follow Him as a disciple, Jesus changed His name to Peter, meaning, “Rock”.  One of Peter’s proudest moments was when He openly professed that Jesus was the Messiah, the Son of the living God for the first time.  It seems as though the other disciples were stumped by Jesus question, “Who do you say that I am?”  Yet, without fear, doubt, or hesitation, Peter boldly proclaimed Jesus to be exactly who He was… the promised Messiah King of Israel and the Son of the Living God!  It seems as though Peter had passed the first test of true discipleship, which was to know the identity of His Master, Jesus.  After all, how can one follow and imitate one whom he does not know?  Immediately, Jesus even commended Peter, letting Him know that his profession of faith revealed that he had received special revelation from the Father, because one could only know Jesus’ identity as the Messiah and Son of God by divine revelation.  Truly, this is also true today.  Our knowledge of God and His Son Jesus Christ is through grace alone, because it is not a mere fact to which we assent or agree.  Rather, it is a Truth that God Himself has revealed to us.  It is the rock and foundation upon which our faith stands.   

Jesus’ Prediction of Peter’s Denial

            Although I wish I could say that Peter’s discipleship process was free sailing from there, we all know that it was anything but that.  In fact, it wasn’t long after Peter’s breakthrough confession that Peter spoke out against Jesus’ prediction of His own impending suffering, and Jesus rebuked Satan from speaking through Peter.  Isn’t this so common to our own experience, as well?  It seems like after our greatest spiritual breakthrough moments, we often falter in weakness in one way or another.  Yet, we must stay the course and know that the making of a disciple is a journey through which God’s purpose and will must be accomplished.  It is also a reminder of our complete dependency upon the grace and mercy of God. 

            As surprising as Peter’s deter was after his famous profession of faith, Jesus’ prediction that he would deny Him three times before the rooster crowed was an even greater devastating surprise.  After all, Peter had walked with Jesus for a greater length of time by then, and He had witnessed and even experienced the power of God flowing miraculously through his own being as a result of his identity as a disciple of Jesus.  Denial of his Lord and Master seemed to be the furthest thing from possible at this point, because a fiery passion burned deep within Peter’s heart.  So great was this passion for the Truth and for His Master, that he was willing to lay down his life fighting that Jesus might rightfully be crowned King of Israel.  In fact, he even acted upon this passion when a band of soldiers came to arrest Jesus, to which he drew his sword and chopped a man’s ear off!  How in the world would he or could he ever deny the very One to whom he had committed his life, even unto the fight of death?  Yet, as always, Jesus’ words would come to pass, in a most peculiar way.  Before we examine the fulfillment of Jesus’ prediction, let us look closely at His words to Peter.  For within them, there is a message relevant to the making of every disciple of Christ.  

Luke 22:31-32 – “And the Lord said, ‘Simon, Simon! Indeed, Satan has asked for you, that he may sift you as wheat. 32 But I have prayed for you, that your faith should not fail; and when you have returned to Me, strengthen your brethren’” (NKJV).

            Recently, Holy Spirit ministered to me that this is a season of sifting for God’s people.  Immediately, this Scripture came into my thoughts and I began to enquire of God regarding the sifting process.  Holy Spirit is revealing that Satan desires to sift every disciple of Christ for the purpose of total destruction, just as he desired to do with Peter.  Yet, there is another kind of sifting that takes place in the life of every disciple of Christ at the hand of the Master Himself.  This sifting is not unto destruction, but rather it is likened unto the sifting of wheat in order to remove the chaff from the grain for the purpose of discarding the chaff and keeping the good wheat for harvest.  Likewise, sifting by the hand of the Master is likened unto the purging and pruning process that is necessary to produce progress within and through the life of every disciple of Christ.

            Just as the Scripture says, the enemy of our souls seeks to steal, kill, and destroy; yet Jesus has come to give us abundant life.  He has come into the life of every disciple in order to turn what the enemy meant for evil into goodness and righteousness.  In fact, He will even take the destructive purpose of the enemy in our lives, such as his desire to sift us unto destruction, and use it to purge and prune us, in order to produce spiritual progress through the making of a strong, firm, and steadfast disciple.  For truly, it is time for the making of such a disciple of Christ!

            Therefore, Jesus is saying to us even as He stated to Peter, “Indeed, Satan has asked for you, that he may sift you as wheat.  But I have prayed for you, that your faith should not fail; and when you have returned to Me, strengthen your brethren” (NKJV, Luke 22:31-32).  Of course, like Peter we have reservations, because we cannot see how we would fall so low to deny our Master Yeshua (Jesus).  We profess our praise, love, and worship through prayer and song.  We sing wholeheartedly, “I surrender all!”  Like Peter, our heart declares, “Lord, I am ready to go with You, both to prison and to death.”  We too feel Peter’s shock as a result of Jesus’ response to him, “I tell you, Peter, the rooster shall not crow this day before you will deny three times that you know Me.”

Peter’s Denial of Christ: “I AM” Versus “I am Not”

            Yet, the greatest shock for me was when Holy Spirit revealed to me a fresh perspective and understanding of how Peter denied Christ, and the implications of this denial for the making of every disciple of Christ.  Remember, Satan desired to sift Peter by tempting him to deny Christ unto utter self - destruction through an act of spiritual suicide.  Yet, we know that the grace of God sustained Peter bringing him to repentance unto restoration.  Likewise, Jesus sits on the right hand of the Father interceding for us, “that (our) faith should not fail” and that we should return to Him, be restored and strengthen one another in a spirit of humility and love.

            Throughout the synoptic gospels, Matthew, Mark, and Luke recorded that Peter denied Christ by stating that he did not know Him, whereas, John’s gospel reveals a unique portrayal of Peter’s denial.  In contrast to John’s record of Jesus seven “I AM” statements, through which Jesus boldly proclaims His true identity as the promised Messiah King of Israel and Son of God, John recorded that Peter denied Christ three times by stating, “I am not.”   Now get this!  Peter did not deny Christ by denying that Jesus was the Messiah or the Son of God.  In other words, he never took back his profession of faith, yet he still denied Christ in an unexpected way.  You see, Peter denied the essence of who he (Peter) was as a disciple of Jesus Christ.  I had never seen this aspect of Peter’s denial until Holy Spirit opened my eyes and revealed it to me in such an amazing way.  Suddenly, Holy Spirit began to teach and reveal to me that we also deny Christ every time we deny who we are in Christ, particularly like Peter, as a disciple of His. 

As Heaven’s Apostle, Jesus proclaimed boldly who He was to the world.  He refused to deny who He was because it was the essence of His apostolic calling and mission.  In fact, Jesus’ proclamation and demonstration of His Sonship to Abba Father was the crux of the thorn in the religious leaders’ sides that stirred them to seek to kill Him in the first place.  Likewise, it is our proclamation and demonstration of our discipleship to Christ and Sonship to Abba Father that causes the enemy of our souls to rise up, seeking to sift us like wheat unto destruction.  Yet, through the making process of discipleship, we too like Peter shall overcome every obstacle and barrier to our becoming all that God has created, called, and ordained us to be in Christ.  Truly, this is the purpose of this scribal assignment… the making of many disciples who shall grow in the intimate knowledge of God, who they are in Christ, and their assignment as disciples of the Master who has and continues to pray for them.  Like Peter, it is time for every disciple of Christ to rise from the ashes of mistaken identity and destructive denial of Christ through the denial of their own identity, in order to be raised to new life through a revelation of God’ identity, their own identity, and the identity of their apostolic assignment.  It is time for every disciple of Christ to boldly proclaim, “I AM; therefore, I am!”  

Peter’s Restoration

            I thank God that Peter’s discipleship journey did not end at the point of his denial and resulting grief and sorrow.  Rather, Peter’s restoration gives every disciple of Christ hope in knowing that Christ has prayed for us and He has come to restore us through the making of another strong, firm, and steadfast disciple.  Like Peter, we need not stay down, but we can get back up again through the tremendous gift of repentance unto restoration.  It is not by chance or accident that after Peter denied Christ three times, Jesus restored Peter through a three-fold profession and command.  Each time someone confronted Peter with the accusation that he was one of Jesus’ disciples, Peter denied Christ by saying, “I am not.”  Likewise, Jesus confronted Peter three times by asking him if he loved Him, and Peter responded by stating, “You know that I love you.”  Each time Jesus responded to Peter’s profession of love with a command, “Feed My sheep.”  Jesus was reaffirming Peter’s faith and acknowledgement not only in who Jesus was, but also who Peter was as His disciple and His assignment as His apostle sent to feed His sheep unto the making of many disciples.     

It is time for the making of a disciple!  Let us grow together in the revelation knowledge of who God is, who we are in Christ, and our apostolic assignment through the study of God’s Word!  Let us boldly proclaim, “I AM; therefore, I am!”

© 2015, Christine Lombard; All rights reserved; Use only with permiss