My
Testimony: A Parable of the Apostolic Process
As I look back over my life I see God’s Unchanging Hand
orchestrating His grace and will for me in spite of more obstacles than I could
ever count or imagine. I
spent the majority of my childhood in foster care. Consequently, I was raised in a very
religious and legalistic environment that locked me into an unseen prison that
I would not recognize until many years later. Yet, a spark of insatiable desire for
a real encounter with God remained within my heart in spite of my often cold
and oppressive surroundings.
Although I do not remember the incident, my dad told me of
a time when I was about three years of age and I responded to an altar
call. Evidently, the pastor
leaned down and asked me for my request, and I simply responded, “I love
Jesus.” You see, grace
works like that. It’s not
always flamboyant in nature, but it works miracles including the miracle of protecting
and nurturing a child - like faith and hunger for God such as mine in spite of
living in a world that attempts to snuff it out at every turn. We cannot even take any credit or
honestly maintain any sense of pride for our remotest interest or response to
God’s wooing in our lives, because it is all by His grace and His grace alone. I remember watching missionary slides as a
child with awe and listening attentively to their stories, longing one day to
live as a missionary on the foreign field. I desired to give my heart to God and
live for Him. As a child, I
responded to multiple altar calls stating my desire to be a missionary. Again, even in this I see God’s
unchanging hand at work in my life.
I once had an encounter with God as a
young child that I will never forget. I
remember feeling a void in my heart and insatiable desire for a mother. One night, like many nights before and
after it, I laid in bed crying and talking to God. With tears, I asked Him why I couldn’t
have a mother. Suddenly, I
felt the physical embrace of God’s arms around me. I felt the love, safety and sense of
belonging that my soul longed for in such a real and tangible way until I
eventually fell asleep in peace. I
tried to regain that feeling and experience again and again, but to no
avail. Looking back, I now
see that this was none other than God’s unchanging hand in my life.
Throughout my high school years the
demonic battle for my mind and soul intensified so greatly that I seriously
desired death above life. I contemplated
suicide many times, yet remained too fearful of hell to make any real attempts
at fulfilling this contemplation. Again,
I see God’s unchanging hand restraining me from fulfilling the enemy of my
soul’s purpose and plan for my life.
In the midst of the intense warfare, I found relief in an
unexpected source, which was prayer journaling. The enemy of my soul had gained
tremendous strongholds on my mind. Yet,
when I would vomit or pour out the lies and deceptions of the enemy and my soul
through written prayers to God, I would gain a temporary sense of peace, which
caused me to return to this healing practice again and again. In the midst of my whirlwind of turmoil,
God gave me a prayer, and I ended each of my journal entries with these words:
“Lord, search me, know me, show me, change me, and use me.” Even at that time I envisioned myself writing
a book that elaborated on the significance of this prayer. I see God’s unchanging hand even as this
vision is being fulfilled right here and right now through the pages of this
book regarding God’s apostolic process of becoming in and through our lives.
Through a high school homework assignment, I discovered a
hidden gift of poetry that lit my way to poetically cry out to God in a way
that I had never dreamed possible. My
pen became my weapon of warfare to hold back the enemy from utterly destroying
my soul. Little did I know or
realize that the call to be transformed through the apostolic process of
becoming was ringing forth in my soul, and I was already responding. In fact, prayer and journaling were two keys Holy
Spirit had infused and used to unlocking my true God breathed identity and
assignment in the Earth. Again, I see
God’s unchanging hand in my life.
Although much more
sorrow and anguish awaited me in the years to come, God’s grace remained
through it all and He answered that strategic prayer many years later in the
most unexpected of ways. In
fact, He answered my prayer by increasing His clarion call for me to seek His
face through prayer and writing. Amazingly,
this call and response between God and I remains today, and it is my reason for
living. For in Him I live,
breathe, move and have my being, and my means of abiding in Him is through the
call to prayerfully surrender to His apostolic process of transforming me more
and more into His own likeness and image. Prayer is my lifeline through which I
endure, not only in survival mode like long ago, but now it is in thriving by
His unchanging Hand in my life. Therefore,
pursuing God in prayer is the pivotal transformational decision that has turned
my life “right side up”, in spite of previously having lived a painful and
tormenting “upside down” existence. Again,
with a grateful heart I see His unchanging hand in my life.
It was during my
college years that God really began to arrest my heart in an increasingly and
unexpected way. For me,
college was a new beginning and new start to my life. I continued to seek God through campus
Bible studies, journaling, reading His Word, and prayer. Yet, Holy Spirit’s quickening within me the
passion and call to missions became a key to His transformational process in my
life. I joined an internship to
minister to youth on the south side of Chicago during the summer of my freshman
year and this experience ignited the passion of God within me to
overflowing. For the first
time in my life I felt home and I found a place to belong. I returned to the internship to
minister each summer throughout my college years. In fact, I began taking the bus weekly
to continue the Kid’s Club ministry throughout the school year, as well. It was always the highlight of my
week. I had never felt such
exhilaration and a sense of purpose and fulfillment before. In a sense, I became addicted to
it. Prayer became a central
part of this ministry, and I would experience an awakening when I prayed, where
Holy Spirit would take over, weeping and interceding through me on behalf of the
children. I felt that I
could empathize with so many of the young people within the ministry, having
experienced so much brokenness in my own childhood. Little did I know, God was training me
and molding me into the intercessor that He had created, called and ordained me
to be in Him before the foundation of the world. All of this was a part of the apostolic
process of my becoming completely who God had created, called, and ordained me
to become in Him. I had found my
place in the world through God’s apostolic process and calling in my life. As a result, I moved into the same
neighborhood where I had ministered for several years, attended the local
church, and found a teaching job on the south side, as well. The fact that teaching on the south
side of Chicago was a challenge is an understatement. Yet, God put within me what it took to
persevere and refuse to give up in spite of many tears and a tremendous prayer
burden that many times overwhelmed me beyond measure. My hunger for God increased and I
began to get up early each day to study His Word and pray. I searched deep and wide for a
church that would satisfy my hunger for more and more of God.
One morning after
reading from the book of Matthew, Holy Spirit spoke to me clearly, “Just as I
anointed Jesus and sent Him into the wilderness, I have anointed you for a work
and I am sending you to be prepared.” Little
did I know that Holy Spirit was already revealing the first aspect of the
apostolic process of becoming, which is separation from the world unto God
through discipleship. This was
His answer to my petition for His guidance to know whether to leave one
congregation to join another. That’s
when God led me to New Hope Church, where again I felt
home. I continued to
minister to the youth in the community and picked up some of my students for
church, as well. With the
pastor’s blessing I started Kid’s Club in the church reaching out to the
neighborhood kids.
Then one day a
single conversation opened up a whole new expectation within me. A church member mentioned to me about
a missionary, Mother Workman, who had started an orphanage in Haiti. Immediately, I knew that somehow
someway I was going to Haiti, and I even sensed that my childhood dream would
come true, and God would move me there as a full time missionary. I met Mother Workman at a local
conference and committed to spend a month at the mission in Haiti that
summer. I have found that
rarely do things turn out as I expect them. I literally wept for a week straight
once I arrived in Haiti. Although
there was certainly dire poverty all around me, I did not weep and cry out to
God for this. Rather, the
spiritual bankruptcy and demonic oppression is what caused me to weep until I
could weep no more. Mother
Workman arrived at the mission a few days later and I joined her for the 5 AM
prayer every morning in the church. Meanwhile,
God was moving in my life in a way that words cannot describe. This move of God reached a climax one
watchful night as God kept me up all night and spoke inexpressible things
prophetically to me concerning His will for my life. I paced and paced all night listening
and talking to God. The revelation
that Holy Spirit imparted to me that watchful night was a key to unlocking the
truths concerning the apostolic process of becoming, which I share later in
this book. I was overwhelmed by
the magnitude of His presence, voice and words to say the least. That morning I arrived in the courtyard
early before anyone had arrived for prayer. I looked up into the heavens and felt
the power of darkness descend in such a real way that I cried out earnestly,
“Lord Jesus come quickly!” Unexpectedly
and so sternly He responded in my spirit, “What if I had returned before you
came to know me?” His words jerked me to
the core. “Will you be
longsuffering and have mercy on these just as I have suffered long and had
mercy on you?” I knew God
was calling me to move to Haiti as a full time missionary, which was my dream
since childhood, but I just had never expected the presence of the enemy to be manifested
to a greater degree than God’s presence within the mission. After this encounter with God, I
entered the church for prayer and took my place next to Mother
Workman.
As we began to pray
I felt a spiritual struggle that was so real that it became physical in nature. My flesh wanted to cling to Mother
Workman and commit to serve her even as Elisha had served Elijah. Yet, God spoke clearly to me saying,
“No! Not her, but
Me!” I knew in that moment
that I had a choice to cling to flesh or to completely surrender to God and
answer His call and will for my life, because I knew that He was sending me to
Haiti primarily on a mission to pray and intercede for His will to be
accomplished there. I
purposefully stepped away from Mother Workman into the aisle of the church and
fell to the ground screaming and weeping in surrender at the top of my
lungs. I was crying “Yes!”
to God with every ounce of my strength from the depths of my soul. Finally, I arose from the ground
completely weakened and sat back on the pew. Mother Workman got up to minister to
the people and explained to them that what they had witnessed was not demonic,
but I was travailing in prayer. She
went on to share that we all need to travail in prayer and the importance of
seeking God for revival. After
the prayer, Mother Workman reached out to me saying, “Sweetie, don’t stop
letting the Lord use you.” There
was so much that I didn’t understand, so I continued to seek God for
understanding. Looking
back, I now understand that God was trying to keep me from misapplying the
prophetic words He spoke to me the night before to my present circumstances,
because they were all truths that were still yet to come, but not in Haiti and
not through Mother Workman. I
obeyed God and responded with a wholehearted yes to His call, but in ignorance
I still misapplied His words to the mission in Haiti, not realizing that this
mission was just a part of my own apostolic process of becoming and the
fulfillment of the assignment that is still before me even to this day.
You see, God’s
unchanging hand is present in all of our lives, using the good, bad, and
indifferent to prepare us to answer His call in order to fulfill our God-given
Kingdom assignment in the Earth. Central
to each of our unique assignments is the apostolic process of becoming the very
essence of who God created us to be in Him.
Little did I know, I was about to embark on the spiritual adventure of
my life, at least up to that particular time.
I returned to
Chicago with a new sense of purpose, driven to believe God to fulfill every
word that He had spoken to me. Holy
Spirit began to build my faith by fulfilling several miracles in preparation
for my move to Haiti. I was
not yet financially able to quit my job and move, so I made my requests known
to God. Before I left for
my first visit to Haiti a sister in the church called me and told me that God
had instructed her to ask me if I wanted to rent a room in her house. Not knowing what was in store, I
thanked her and told her that I did not need to move in with her, because I
already had my own apartment. Yet,
like Mary, the mother of Jesus, I held those things in my heart before God. In the end, God was preparing a
way for me to minimize expenses in order to prepare financially to move to
Haiti the following summer. In
addition to this, He miraculously provided the finances to pay off the
remainder of my student loans, allowed someone to purchase my car, and provided
the additional money that I requested of Him, because Holy Spirit placed a
desire in my heart to go to Haiti with a specific offering amount to place in
Mother Workman’s hands for the mission. God
had answered all of my requests regarding preparing me to move to Haiti the
following summer. I was
walking on cloud nine and my faith was soaring high. Yet, this was only part of the
preparation process.
Mother Workman is a
woman of tremendous faith and prayer. Her
testimony is full of miraculous answers to prayer and a practice of much prayer
and fasting. God began to
lead me in this direction, as well. I
began to fast and pray more than ever before. By the leading of Holy Spirit, I
received a key from the pastor in order to enter the church early each morning
before I went to work and pray. He
also led me to read through the Bible during these times. Finally, He led me to begin shutting
in the church for all night prayer and sometimes for three days of fasting and
prayer. All of this was in
preparation for answering God’s call and the assignment in Haiti that was
before me. I began to hear
God’s voice and receive revelation in His Word like never before. The more God ministered to me the more
I desired of Him. One afternoon,
I came from work crying in frustration with my inability to reach my students
as I longed to be used by God to reach them. Classroom management was a constant
struggle and I found them fighting against me more than being receptive to
discipline and instruction. I
drove straight to the church and laid out on the floor weeping before God for
Him to bring forth true transformation in my students’ lives. I wept and travailed deeply and cried
out to God saying that I once desired a Mother, and I no longer desired this,
but my one request was this: “Make
me a mother!” I cried out
to God to make me into the Mother that I had desired and longed for so
long. I was not satisfied
with merely teaching kids, but I wanted God to mother them through me, bringing
forth transformation in their lives. I
knew that Holy Spirit was the one interceding and travailing through me and
felt a release as I got up off the floor and left the church. What I didn’t realize was what I was really
praying for. Holy Spirit was travailing
and interceding through me even at that time concerning the apostolic process
of my becoming His vessel of discipleship and transformation in others’ lives!
Finally, I boarded
the plane and flew to Haiti, this time not just to visit, but to move into my
new home. I arrived before
the annual conference for pastors and church congregations from all over
Haiti. Part time
missionaries from all over streamed in at the same time. It was the busiest time at the
mission. God had revealed
to me that my primary purpose and mission was to pray and intercede on behalf
of the tremendous needs of the ministry. Along with the 5 AM morning prayers, I
spent time in the church praying for the conference. One of the missionaries, who was
busily decorating the church approached me as I finished praying and began to
walk out of the church. She
exclaimed, “I don’t know why you are here, but don’t ever stop doing what you
are doing! As you were
praying, I felt the anointing in such a way that I felt like running around the
church.” This encouraged me
and served as confirmation to my prayer assignment.
Little did I know,
but I was about to experience another Divine appointment that would change my
destiny. Some of the
missionaries were staying in an extension house outside of the mission
compound, whereas I stayed inside the compound with other missionaries. I began to hear an excited
buzzing as people were talking about a prophet who was staying in the extension
and holding prayer every night. I
met her briefly, but did not get to really speak with her. They were speaking of none other than
my mother, Apostle Vera Paul. Later
she told me that she heard me in the church praying and had asked Mother
Workman, “Who is that?” Mother
Workman explained that I was a missionary who would be staying full time. Lightheartedly, yet prophetically
none-the-less, Apostle Paul asked Mother Workman, “Can I have her?” To which Mother Workman responded with
an absolute and resounding, “No!” She
also enquired of God concerning me, and He instructed her not to approach me
where I was praying or engage in too much conversation with me, but to wait,
because He would send her back to Haiti to meet with me at His set time.
As Apostle Paul
prepared to leave for the airport, she told me that God said that she would
return to take me to a deeper depth of prayer. I held onto her words and prayed them
daily asking God to send her back to Haiti to fulfill His promise, because I
earnestly desired and needed to grow in the call to prayer and intercession. By the leading of Holy Spirit, I
returned to the mission office in Florida in order to seek God through a twenty
- one day water fast in preparation for my prayer assignment in Haiti. Finally, I returned to Haiti alone and
began my assignment there. My
focus was prayer and working with the youngest group of children. The assignment was harder and more
challenging than I could have ever imagined. Every day I prayed calling forth
Apostle Paul’s return to Haiti. Within
a few months she returned for Thanksgiving and conducted daily prayer in the
mission church. She also
met with me individually, praying and speaking prophetically over me. I experienced the baptism of the Holy
Spirit and received my prayer language, which brought me into a realm in the
Spirit that I had never experienced before. God had fulfilled His promise and increased
the depth of my prayer life beyond my greatest expectations. Although I had already learned to hear
the voice of God, my ability to hear God’s voice increased more than ever
before.
A pivotal moment
occurred when Apostle Paul asked me to pray for her. Then she commented that what I had
prayed was exactly the words she had prayed before she left home. I asked her what part exactly, because
I had prayed many things. She
replied, “Ask God.” So, I
began to pray in the Spirit and God responded with the answer, which Prophetess
Paul confirmed was accurate. I
was amazed to know that I could converse with God like this, asking Him
questions and holding conversations with Him just like a flesh and blood
person. So, I began to pull
away and enquire of the Lord in a new way. Amazingly, my conversations with God
continued and my ability to hear His voice and prophetically speak His words
increased tremendously. God
connected Apostle Vera Paul’s spirit with mine in an indescribable way, and He
spoke to me extensively concerning this connection. He also spoke and confirmed things
through me to Apostle Paul that God had ministered to her, and she had never
shared with anyone else. Many
questions remained, because I did not understand how we would be connected as
long as I remained a missionary in Haiti. All things would be revealed in due
time.
One morning I had a
conversation with God that I will never forget. I began to ask Him concerning some
mission opportunities that had presented themselves. I asked Him about a well - known
mission organization where I could receive training and be stationed in almost
any nation in the world. He
replied, “If you go, I will bless it.” Then
I petitioned Him about another possible mission opportunity. He repeated, “If you go, I will bless
it.” Exasperated, I
replied, “What do you mean You will bless it? I don’t want You to bless it, I want
to know Your will!” Silence. Then I enquired, “What about Apostle
Paul?” Again there was
silence. I still didn’t understand how
the revelation Holy Spirit had ministered to me concerning my connection with
Apostle Paul was possible as long as we were separated from one another in two
different nations, especially since I believed God’s will was for me to remain
in Haiti for the rest of my life. Yet,
suddenly in that instant of silence, an understanding rose up in my
spirit. God was asking me
what I wanted! A reply
arose from deep within my spirit, “I want the deeper depths of Your
Spirit!” With my own
confession I had God’s answer. God
taught me that He permits us to make choices in life, and these choices are
tests, because God wants to know how far we desire and are willing to go with
Him. Truly, there are no
limits to the heights and depths of experiencing the manifest presence and
glory of God in our lives. This was the
beginning of God’s teaching me concerning another key lesson of the apostolic
process of our becoming, which is that our God – breathed assignment is much
more about who we are becoming than the things that we do physically even in
ministry. We are human beings created in
God’s image, not human doings. Yet, all
that we think, say and do flows out of our beings carrying the essence of who
we are in God’s perfectly keen eyesight.
After fifteen
months of living in Haiti God tested me again by asking me to give up my life
and live permanently in Haiti. I
experienced another struggle similar to the first time of surrender in the
church and I responded, “yes” to God’s call, no matter the cost or
consequences. Immediately,
I experienced peace and freedom in my surrender. Within a week or so Apostle Paul returned
to Haiti, and I struggled to understand how all of God’s words to me fit
together. Finally, one
morning in prayer God spoke clearly to me saying, “I have released you from
Haiti.” Then He explained
that He had tested me similarly to the way that He had tested Abraham when He
asked Him to sacrifice his son on the altar. I knew by God’s revelation to me that
I would move from Haiti to Texas to live with Apostle Paul and be discipled
according to His will and prophetic words to me a year before I had ever met
her. To me this is one of the most
amazing aspects of my testimony. Holy
Spirit had visited me and revealed His will to me concerning my covenantal connection
with Apostle Paul an entire year before we had even met, and of all places,
this revelation was imparted to me while I was serving as a missionary in
Haiti.
Within days of
Apostle Paul’s departure back to her home in Texas, I too flew to Florida,
knowing that Haiti was no longer my home. God showed me how I had misapplied His
words to the Haiti mission and Mother Workman even though He tried to show me
that my surrender and commitment was to Him, not man. This lesson of truth along with the specific
revelation Holy Spirit released to me during my first visit to Haiti will be
discussed further in this book, because it is essential to the apostolic
process of our becoming. Amazingly, God
had even spoken to me while living in Chicago concerning this Divine connection
with my mother, Apostle Vera, but only through time would I understand their
true application. I had much to
learn and will continue to learn much through Holy Spirit’s transformational
process in my life. Holy Spirit
constantly works within our lives in order to open our eyes to see
as God sees. He is the
Intercessor within us, who stirs us to intercede according to the will of
God. Every move of God in my life
has been orchestrated as a means of fulfilling the call of intercession and
becoming who God created, called and ordained me to be in Him before the
foundation of the world. Today
I continue to grow and respond to this clarion call, and this calling continues
to shape me according to the will of God.
Through
discipleship and prayer, I have experienced tremendous healing, deliverance,
and growth in my relationship with God. Due
to my experience of God’s presence and voice in my life, I did not realize the
extent to which I needed deliverance from the demonic forces that had held me
in bondage for so long. Although
I had learned to pray and hear the voice of God, I was unable to pray my own
breakthrough. So, by God’s
design and will, He used my mother (Apostle Paul) to pray the war faring prayer
necessary to break the strongholds of the enemy off of my life. Deliverance is a process, and I have
learned that we will all continue to need deliverance and healing until the
moment we draw our last breath. I
truly thank and praise God for His apostolic and prophetic process in my life,
because it has and continues to transform my life from faith to faith, grace to
grace, and glory to glory. Finally,
God answered my childhood prayer and had given me the Mother of His
choice. He ministered to me
that He had divinely connected me with Apostle Paul through a spiritual
birthing and adoption process that is just as real as the physical birthing and
adoption process. It was a
God thing that I knew deep down in the depths of my spirit and soul. Though many look on in wonder and fail
to understand this truth, Apostle Vera Paul is my mother, because of God’s
Will, Work, and Word. I
know what God has spoken and revealed to me and I hold onto this unmoved by
others’ failure to accept or understand God’s moving in my life. Again, it has all been by God’s
unchanging hand. I thank
God for the call to pray and the grace of God that continues to enable me to
respond to His clarion call. I
pray that my testimony ministers to you enabling you to see more clearly God’s
unchanging hand in your life through the apostolic process and prophetic art of
your becoming that is beckoning to you even now. Do you hear Holy Spirit’s call within
your spirit to become all that God has created, called and ordained you to be
in Him? Do you desire to fulfill
your God given assignment with all that is within you? How then will you answer and respond?
© 2016 Christine Lombard;
All rights reserved; Use only with permission
